The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Friday Round-Up: April 14, 2006: Happy Birthday, J.E.I.

Can you believe it? A whole year already. It seems like only yesterday the Gutenberg 5000 Cyberpress® started belching its noxious fumes of cruel mockery and the mighty J.E.I. came screaming into this horrible world.

Lately we've been on somewhat of an American Idol tear, and can you blame us? That putz Ace is still in the running. He must be stopped, Americans (and Puerto Ricans and Guamians). At least we've had some consolation this week, roaming the halls of the J.E.I. compound belting out the name game song:

"Bucky, Bucky, Bo-Bucky
Bananafana Fo-Fu..."
You get the idear.

But no matter, it's time to celebrate, and this Friday Round-Up basks in the glory of a year's worth of meaningless glory. Scientists may marvel that once again we made it around the goddamn sun without getting swatted by a ginormous meteor, but the real huzzah goes to the J.E.I.'s 163 posts. One of these days we'll slap together a "best of" for reading on the crapper, but trust us, every one of the 163: fried gold.

Stay with us for another trip around the sun, fair readermonkeys, because this time we're going for 164.

As authentic as anything else we do.
Bad Art
We don't know a lot about art but we know what we hate.
A.K.A "Please withdraw your lawsuit."
Opinions are like bellybuttons: a useless deforming scar.
Nifty graphics, sounds and video guaranteed to crash your computer.
Those who can't do, review.
Feature Articles
Finally, some meat on this bone.
Food Of The Gods
Would that we could eat like them.
For Sale
Caveat Emptor. Seriously.
Hot Or Not?
Celebrities ridicule the insecure. Fun.
Because reading is fundemental.
Lost & Found
Uniting keepers and weepers.
Lost TV
Untold tales of the glowing glass teat.
Stop the presses.
There once was a girl from Nantucket...
The Savage Breast
Music, not boobs, you perv.
What she blinded us with.
Seal Of Approval
Sites that don't suck so much.
Storytime Corner
Once upon a time... .
A Thousand Words
What a picture is worth, depending on exchange rates.
Intercepted communications amongst the staff.
Wish List
Or, as Black Flag said, "Gimme gimme gimme."

Insania Fragilis, Fectum Dubitabilis!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

News: American Idol Of The Living Dead, Round 8

Maybe it was for the best that Mandisa got the boot last week-- she probably wouldn't have enjoyed belting out Freddie Mercury tunes, if you, uh, know what we mean.

(If you don't what we mean, what we mean is Mandisa's not down with the leather set. And by leather set, we mean homos. And by homos, we mean sexuals. Get it now?)

Ah well, she's shuffling along as a brain-craving zombie now, spreading her message of intolerance among the unholy decaying Lazarites. And joining her this week is everybody's favorite rube, Bucky.

The irony is, for all our railing against Bucky, we actually liked his raspy version of "Fat Bottomed Girls" (*cough*MANDISA*cough*). Again, oh effing well... let's take a look at where we're at.

Hey Ace-- hear that bell? It's tolling for thee, you fey putz. You will you will not rock me.

Also in this series...

Monday, April 10, 2006

News: Happy Birthday, Sherm.

Can you believe it? It hardly seems a year since we had the big nine-oh blowout, and here we are wishing Harry Morgan many happy returns as he tries to huff and puff ninety-one candles into smokey black cake-topping wicks.

Born Harry Bratsburg in 1915, he's in good birthday company: Vernon Presley, Sheb Wooley, Chuck Connors, Martin Denny, Steven Seagal, Babyface, Max Von Sydow, Omar Sharif, Haley Joel Osment and the ultra-delicious Mandy Moore all turn one year older today. But it's Harry's special day we're here to celebrate, and we'd like to do so with a quiz.

Match the wacky M*A*S*H hijinx with the colorful "Sherman T. Potter-ism" it prompted. Easy peasy, right?

1. Klinger claims he's the Toledo Strangler and begs to be extradited back to Ohio to stand trial.
A. "Horse hockey!"
2. Frank Burns wants Hawkeye brought up on charges for calling him "ferret-face" in front of the enlisted men.
B. "Mule Fritters!"
3. Radar tips off the Colonel that General Clayton is due any minute for a surprise inspection.
C. "Sweet Fanny Adams!"
4. Father Mulcahey walks in on the Colonel and Rosie enjoying the mutual pleasure only consenting adults can give one another.
D. "Blessed mother of fuck!"
5. BJ breaks down in tears and confesses that he has secretly murdered eight Korean prostitutes during his time at the 4077th
E. "Shit on a cracker!"
6. Margaret gets drunk and passes out naked in the Colonel's tent.
F. "Beans!"
7. The Colonel's horse, Sophie, defecates in Potter's favorite oatmeal bowl.
G. "Cocksucking fucking douche!"
8. Winchester repeatedly pleads to be reassigned to a hospital in Tokyo.
H. "Malarkey!"
9. Potter gets word that Mildred has had a stroke.
I. "Well, fuck me!"

Happy birthday, Harry. We hope someone gives you a horse to poo in your office.

Also in this series...