The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Editorial: Missing Commandments (part 2)

Scholars agree, the "Ten" Commandments, as the ancient Israelites used to say, are "a steamy crock of shit."

But here at The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration we're always ready to take up the droopy slack left by organized religion. Continuing our multi-part series, we present to you more commandments that Moses never bothered to tell you about...
  • Thou shalt turn off the tv if no one is watching it.
  • Thou shalt not use the word "like" in vain.
  • Thou shalt not ask "a/s/l"
  • Thou shalt not say "Yeah it is" unless debating a point.
  • Thou shalt not say "sick" when thou meanst "terrific."
  • Thou shall keep hand gestures to what is absolutely necessary.
  • Thou shalt think twice before getting a tattoo.
  • Thou does not need metal shoved through any part of thou's body.
  • Thou shalt dress thine age.
  • Thou shalt maintain a neat and tidy appearance.
  • Thou shalt not wear ill-fitting bathing attire, even when alone.
  • Thou shalt not wear unbuttoned shirts or have pointy nipples and still condemn thine neighbor for glancing.
Also in this series...