The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Editorial: Missing Commandments (part 1)

Despite what was drilled into your impressionable little head at Sunday School, the Ten Commandments weren't as cut and dry as Cecil B. DeMille would have you believe (however, Moses probably was a lot more like Chuck Heston than history would prefer to admit).

So what if Mo forgot or dropped a few tablets? Those suckers were stone for Yaweh's sake! Young theologians, don't fret-- The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration is here to keep it real, dawg. In a a multi-part series, we present to you the commandments that never made it down off the mountain...
  • Thou shalt not spit.
  • Thou shalt not litter.
  • Thou shalt not fart in elevators.
  • Thou shalt make no vocal sounds in public restrooms, no matter what horrors art occurring.
  • Thou shalt flush.
  • Thou shalt not talk in the movies, even during the previews.
  • Thou shalt not take up the entire escalator.
  • Thou shalt not make a mess at the salad bar.
  • Thou shall shower before entering the pool area.
  • Thou shalt not pee in the pool (thou may pee in the ocean).
  • Thou shalt not speak loudly ever.
  • Thou shalt be aware of thine own halitosis.
Also in this series...