News: Sit Down, American Idol, We Need To Talk

No one wanted this to work out more than we did, we swear. And Lord knows we've tried to find something to hang on to... Bo's coke busts... Vonzell's dad, Flavor Flav... but none of it felt real. Let's face it, after you cut Scott and Anthony loose, you changed. And we're moving on. We'll be in touch about our half of the security deposit, and you can keep the cat.

But "back up on the horse," right? Taking our cue from Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak, we're whole-heartedly thrusting our affections on a reasonable facsimile. So let's hear it for the show that put the "Pope" in "popularity contest," our new obsession...

Father Mike Pillsbury Scranton, PA USA "A Horse With No Name"	Susan Schwab Montreal, Canada "Wake Up, Little Susie"
Father Roy Greasy Vienna, Austria "To Sir, With Love"	Sister Mary Agnes Haute-Garonne, France "Smoke On The Water"
Monsignor Al Babbit Queens, NY USA "Still"	Kwam'e Mobootu Mbale, Uganda "Magic Bus"
Brother Georgi Hauwicz Prijedor, Bosnia "The Boy From New York City"	Sister Mary Pete Chicago, IL USA "The Tide Is High"
Pastor Tim Fink Manchester, England "Darling Nikki"	Cardinal John Flannery Boston, MA USA "Have You Ever Been Mellow?"
Ysef Al Bebee Piryi, Greece "We’ve Only Just Begun"	Lloyd John White Austin, TX USA "Tiny Dancer"
Reverend Dean Miller Zanesville, OH USA "Climb Ev'ry Mountain"	Syster Mary X New York, NY USA "Rock Lobster"
Father Harold O'Shea Limerick, Ireland "Space Oddity"	Sister Mary Catherine Venice, Italy "Respect"
Bim Fo Tet Chipyong-ni, South Korea "Dancing On The Ceiling"	Jesus H. Christ Heaven "My Heart Will Go On"

Our money's on Jesus. Damned if he hasn't won the last three years in a row...

Also in this series...

• Vatican Fast-Tracks John Paul II Sainthood, Issues Commemorative Cookie Jar
• Tough Break, Chekov
• You Was Robbed, Dawg
• Your Next American Idol
• And A Habemus Papam To You!