The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Editorial: Missing Commandments (part 3)

Our mission has been an unqualified success-- another tattery bit of musty dogma de-bunked. Thanks to our iron-clad condemnation of the Ten Commandments, Judeo-Christianity is sadly doomed to crumble like Ancient Rome, the British Empire, and Clintonian America. Sorry gang.

But the The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration brings you good news! We've prepared yet another installment of Missing Commandments, and like a phoenix from the ashes, you will once again have an ethically-questionable laundry list of rules upon which to blindly base your existence. As an added bonus, George Bush will find it much harder to use our new foundation of faith to justify traveling the globe to kill brown people... so we got that going for us... which is nice.
  • Thou shalt not be a cocky teen.
  • Thou shalt not adopt ridiculous cartoon guises and affectations outside of your birth culture.
  • Thou shalt not give thine children jokey names.
  • Thou shalt look in the mirror only with a critical eye.
  • Thou shall not deny what is plainly there for all to see.
  • Thou shalt not expect acclaim for doing the right thing.
  • Thou shalt not kill thineself for wrongdoing before everyone else has a crack at thou.
  • Thou shalt not reveal uncomfortable personal information unless granted permission.
  • Thou shall never think that thing on your head, no matter if it's attached, is "hair."
  • Thou are not starving, thou are merely hungry.
  • Thou shall check thine spelling.
  • Thou shalt use capital letters appropriately, unless thine are e. e. cummings.
Also in this series...