The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

News: The Least Litigious Place On Earth

ORLANDO - Sad things are not supposed to happen during The Happiest Celebration on Earth. But for the fourth time this summer, the Walt Disney Co. - amid an 18-month birthday party for its first theme park, Disneyland - is dealing with sad news.

Though an autopsy revealed that the 12-year-old girl who collapsed this month at Typhoon Lagoon water park suffered no physical trauma, autopsy and death are not words that any attraction or theme park, let alone one as well-known as Disney, wants to be associated with.

This is the second reported death of a child at Walt Disney World this summer. A teen, who collapsed after riding the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror ride last month, remains in critical condition at Florida Hospital Orlando.

And just a week ago, 15 guests were injured at Disney's California Adventure when a roller coaster they were in was hit from behind by a second coaster.

In a statement released today, Walt Disney World announced they are updating and renaming several theme park attractions as a part of a resort-wide safety and image renovation. Debuting this summer:

  • Snow White's Unremarkable Adventures
  • Mr. Toad's Relaxing Ride
  • Dumbo The Strolling Elephant
  • The Perfectly Sane Teacup Party
  • 20,000 Leagues Adjacent To The Sea
  • Side Curtain Airbagtopia
  • If You Didn't Have Wings
  • Limitedvision 90˚
  • Carousel Of Caution
  • Space Plateau
  • WED-Way People Restrainer
  • The Renovated Mansion
  • The Hall Of Vice Presidents
  • Country Butterfly Jamboree
  • No Splashing Mountain
  • Swiss Family Foam House
  • Accountants Of The Caribbean

  • Countdown To Homeostasis
  • Kali River Stagnants
  • Festival Of The Hamster King
  • Kilimanjaro Bird Watching
  • It's Acceptable To Be A Bug

  • The Great Video Rental Store Ride
  • Indiana Jones Nap-Time Spectacular
  • Backlot Podcast
  • Light Rock 'n' Roller Coaster
  • Twilight Zone Tower Of Reassurance

  • The World of Seatbelts
  • Honey, I Only Pretended To Shrink The Audience
  • Test Track Control Room
  • Journey Into Predictability
  • Mission: Couch

  • Also in this series...