The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 3)

Stop! Jimmy time. He's back, with another installment of...

Hi gang, Jimmy here. Welcome to the third part of my series where I take you into my secret files. The swell folks at The Journal have been great to allow me so much space to share with you all the fun photos and stories about what it was like to grow up with the superheroes. Let's go!

As the supers started growing up and heading off to college, most of them hadn't begun their careers as crime-fighters or even figured out if they were heroes or villains. But these were good times, as they got to know each other better and accepted new faces into their ranks. I was still in grade school, but since my mom was sort of the unofficial "founder" of the superparties, I was allowed to visit. My mom was happy to let me stay out late, I guess because she knew I'd be around such great role-models, like Mr. Kent. Like I once overheard my mom tell my aunt on the phone, "That Clark sure knows how to take care of his mistakes." He didn't like to come over to my house much after that.
Mr. Kent sure is starting to look like a natural leader, huh? Hal Jordan was a new addition to the gang, and Mr. Kent secretly told me that Hal's story about how aliens gave him that lantern that was the source of his powers was bunk-- Mr. Kent had put some uranium in an old oil lamp and hired some kids to dress up in costumes. Back then we didn't know much about the dangers of radiation, but it was still a good joke. And though she'd soon lose the baby fat, Kara was really sensitive about her weight back then-- I once called her "Supersizegirl" to Mr. Kent; she found out somehow and came up behind me and pushed me into a door frame. That's how I chipped my tooth the first time.
Dick Grayson once told me that he never really wanted to be a superhero, but just wanted to find a way to impress Mr. Wayne. Dick was always really busy at the mansion, changing the oil on the Batmobile, ironing the costumes, etc, so when he had a chance to blow off steam, he'd just go nuts. Speaking of Mr. Wayne, I seem to recall it was about this time that he started developing his "scary" personae. It just got worse when he was drinking; he would get so angry over the smallest thing. Dick would sometimes call him "Mommie Dearest" which I think was a private joke.
On the other hand, Bruce Banner could not have been a more care-free guy in those days. He spent most of his time as The Hulk, laughing it up, making new friends... sure, he'd usually end up smashing a coffee table or turning over a parked car, but most of the time he was the life of the party. I think nowadays they call that manic depression, but we didn't know that back then. And there's Pete Parker again... that guy just couldn't take a hint.
Logan usually didn't like to be photographed by me-- seconds after I snapped this picture, he shoved the camera into my face, which really hurt a lot. Mr. Kent was standing behind me and got really mad at me when I fell into him and spilled his drink, so I guess he didn't see I was pushed. I apologized and got him a new one and that made it OK. The rumor back then was Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy) and Jake Olsen (Thor) were dating, and she used to tell people his pet name for her was "beard." I didn't get the joke, but who can understand people in love?
Arthur didn't like walking around in a wet costume all the time, so he always kept some dry clothes stashed in the dorms. I had to rescue this last picture from the trash, Diana said she never wanted to see it again... I'm not really sure what happened but it had something to do with the guy she's with pretending to be a girl, and some bet a fraternity had made, I'm not really sure. I heard the guy ended up in the emergency room because of some sort of accident, uh... down there. Like Mr. Kent used to say, "never give an Amazon steak when she ordered fish, Jim." Bad service in a restaurant can be really frustrating.

That's it for this week, gang-- next week, more college memories and we'll meet a few new faces.

Until next time, this has been Jimmy Olsen, your super pal!

Also in this series...