The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Illiterature: Harry Potter & The Big Fat Payday

Bing! It's after midnight and the gag order on Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince is lifted...

Despite what Pope Benny The Rat and ex-Pope Johnny P. The Deuce said, here at the J.E.I. we think it's great that J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series has kids across the globe reading books and worshiping Satan. Studies show that the black arts is a fantastic way to build self-confidence, develop life goals and slaughter scores of animals*. Plus, it looks solid on a college application.

So to make sure the kinder-witchcraft momentum doesn't slow, we'd like to present the super-secret titles to the next seven Harry Potter books you can look forward to losing your minds over:

  • Harry Potter & The Persistent Curse of Onan
  • Harry Potter & The Jerking Circle of Bliss
  • Harry Potter & The Lipstick Lesbian
  • Harry Potter & The Over-Hyped Author
  • Harry Potter & The Naboo Trade Embargo
  • Harry Potter & The Big Fucking Dragon
  • Harry Potter & The Really Important Character We Never Mentioned Until Now
* Studies do not show this.

Also in this series...