The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 2)

Jimmy Olsen, the sycophant of steel himself, is back, and he brought pictures. We hope you enjoy the next installment of....

Hi again gang, it's your super pal Jimmy, or as Mr. Kent used to call me, "J.O." Last week I told you all about how the superheroes were like in real life, as opposed to the actors you see in the movies and on TV. This week, I'm gonna take you back in time and show you some neat photos of when we first started getting to know each other.

Just 'cause you have superpowers doesn't mean you can't be a regular teenager, and like most teens, the superheroes liked to socialize. My mom started throwing "superparties" at our house every weekend; "How else is someone like you going to make friends, Jim?" she used to tell me, and she was right, I made best friends a guy could have. She always baked a special cake for Mr. Kent, and I think he appreciated it because he was always doing nice things for her like giving her back-rubs and helping her with housework when I was at school and after I went to bed. I think it's great when your best pal and your mom get on so well.
Mr. Kent was never too worried about anyone seeing through his "Clark" disguise; I once asked him why he even bothered with a secret identity and he said, "Your mom likes me in a suit." I think that's great how nice he was to my mom. Sometimes, Mr. Kent would bring his cousin Kara to the parties. She was a cute kid, but once pushed me off the front porch and I hit my head on the birdbath. She giggled a lot about it, but I don't think she meant any harm.
Mr. Wayne and Dick Grayson were the first to really put a lot of effort into their costumes, and they wore them all the time back then. They were inseparable, even when Mr. Wayne and Selina Kyle went on dates, though I can't imagine three people on a date would be all that much fun. A lot of the guys wanted to date Selina, even Mr. Kent, though he said he never did because he "never pays for it." She must have liked expensive dinners, that kind of stuff.
Barbara Gordon was really enthusiastic about being Batgirl and teaming up with Mr. Wayne, and sometimes he'd let her come along on patrol with Dick. Mostly, though, he didn't pay much attention to her, and I think that made her sad. Diana must have felt bad for her, because sometimes at the parties she'd try to dance with Barbara and hug her a lot. That was nice of her.
Bruce Banner used to turn into the Hulk more as a kind of gag back then; he was way more fun before he grew up and started getting so angry over things. And finally there's Pete Parker. You know... it's hard to say mean things when you're talking about a little kid, but knowing what I know now about the guy, I'm sorry I ever invited him to the parties. He has still never apologized to my mom for what he did in our pool.

Wow, what great memories! I can't wait to show you more photos and tell you more about all the good times I had growing up with the superheroes. Next week, college!

Until next time, this has been Jimmy Olsen, your super pal!

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