The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 4)

Hey laa, hey laa Jimmy Olsen's back, with more remembrances of things past, or as he likes to call it...

Hi again gang, it's your pal Jimmy here. This time around it's more college fun with the superheroes!

By this time, most of them were starting to form unofficial groups-- the most obvious was the way Pete Parker and his "marvels" kept to themselves more and more. They'd still show up to the parties, but you could tell they really didn't want much interaction with Mr. Kent and his crowd. Once Mr. Kent caught me talking to Steve Rogers (Captain America), and ended up holding me off the roof by my foot until I promised not to do it again. He was right, of course; in life it's important to be loyal.
Super beers for superheroes! Boy, I could never drink like Mr. Kent or Ms. Prince. I guess it was their powers that gave them such high tolerance to alcohol, because me, one "toasted almond" and I was sunk. But for all he drank, I never once saw Mr. Kent use the bathroom. I asked him once if people from Krypton ever peed, and he said, "What do you think flying is for, kid?" If you look closely behind Diana, you can see Barbara Gordon is kind of upset; right before I took this photo, Diana planted a big kiss right on Barbara's lips. She probably had too much to drink and thought Barbara was Mr. Wayne or something; their costumes were pretty similar.
There's Barbara, a little happier this time. Back then Mr. Wayne was pretty sensitive about his weight, so we tried not to mention it. Crimefighting would eventually help him lose the pounds, but he just didn't have the willpower to knock off the Krispy Kreme runs in the Batmobile after a nighttime patrol. And Dick Grayson was always the life of the party. He used to date a lot of "dancers" in those days.
It took Billy Batson a while to figure out his Captain Marvel personae. Since he never actually saw himself after he transformed into the Captain, he would wear his costume all the time, not realizing that would result in his superhero guise wearing street clothes. Mr. Kent wouldn't let anyone tell him for the longest time; we all had a good laugh. Barry Allen was a new face at the parties, and a nice enough guy, but was always doing that thing where he'd tap me on the shoulder then race to the other side of the room. It was annoying, but at least he'd stopped pantsing me.
Logan had taken to just growling at me, I don't think from this point on he ever said any actual words to me again. Though Mr. Kent had warned me to stay away from Steve Rogers, he was actually kind of a fun guy. Mr. Kent made uniforms a requirement for the superhero parties unless you were a guest, and the picture above shows what Stave came up with after Mr. Kent hid his Captain America suit. Boy, nothing fazed that guy. Steve was cool.
Those days, Thor never went anywhere without Po, his "sidekick" . I put that in quotes because Po never did any real crimefighting, but would manage wardrobe, schedule appearances, give massages, that sort of thing. It all seemed a bit fussy, but then again he was European. And finally there's Parker, the jerk. He'd just pull on his mask and not wear his suit, like he didn't even care about keeping his identity a secret. He said it helped the "ladies know who the man saving the day" was, but I knew the truth; he was just a lazy bum.

Next week, the superheroes head out into the real world. Until then, this has been Jimmy Olsen, your super pal!

Also in this series...