The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 5)

Prepare your ribs for a sound tickling, kids, for it's time for another round of...

Welcome back pals, Jimmy Olsen here with another round of photos and anecdotes about my super friends, the superheroes!

Some of the supers finally began leaving college and emerging into the real world (though for them, the "real" world consisted of x-ray vision, poisoned reservoirs and giant pennies). Though it was hard to find the time to make new friends, socializing remained an important way to bond with each other, assemble teams and compare notes on supervillians, so the regular gatherings continued...
Boy... maybe now you see what I mean about Kara. Just as cute as a button, that one. But make no mistake about her girly surface, she could sure take care of herself; she wasn't called Supergirl for nothing. Still, it was around this time that Mr. Kent started becoming really protective of her. The picture you see here is pretty much the look he'd give you if you tried to ask her out, though he'd also usually use his heat vision to weld your zipper shut as well. Ouch!

The beard-braid was just something he was trying out. I think years later he ended up selling it on eBay.
Despite his gruff reputation, Mr. Wayne never missed a chance to network at the parties. Underneath the bluster he was really a people-person. I really liked when we'd have a pot luck; he would always bring his delicious Bat Stuffed Mushrooms, which despite the confusing name, didn't really have any actual bat meat in them. He just liked to slap a "Bat" in front of everything... after a while, we all just started ignoring it. It was easier than trying to tell him it just sounded egotistical.

Sometimes when he drank, Arthur would forget you are supposed to use a bathroom when on land. It was kind of embarassing for everyone.
Barry, Hal, and Ms. Prince claimed they formed their League with Arthur and J'onn right out of school to battle a giant starfish or something... I don't know if they were pulling my leg or not, a giant starfish sounds kind of made-up to me. Mr. Kent would drift in and out of the League over the years; when I asked him why he liked to work alone most of the time, he'd just laugh and tell me, "Too many witnesses, Jim...".
Logan again, always so angry... I made it my New Year's resolution that year to get to know him, find out what was weighing so heavy on his soul. Bad idea, as I quickly found out. The doctor said an inch more to the right and I'd never have kids. Bruce was forced to spend a few weeks tending bar as reparations for some damage he did. I don't know why he got so upset, Mr. Kent was just kidding when he put that cockroach in his beer.

And as usual, we end with my "arch enemy," Pete Parker. Here he is, repeating the idea Captain America had when his uniform went missing [see last week's column - Ed.]... you almost feel bad for the guy, he just looks so pathetic. I just don't know what Mary Jane ever saw in him.

Well, that's it for this round, I'll be back next week with a whole new collection of stories and photos. Until then, this has been Jimmy Olsen, your super pal!

Also in this series...