The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Friday Round-Up: August 5, 2005


The JEI update machine was chugging along full steam this week, so be sure to catch up on all your required reading before turning in for the night.

Articles on deck after the weekend: another chapter from everybody's favorite superpal, more morph-errific ephemedia, and everything you ever wanted to know about your favorite Japanese snack food. (no, not wasabi peas, those things are like congealed puke balls). And a bit more of our usual nonsense, shenanigans (but not so much tomfoolery) See you in a day or so.

Advertising
As authentic as anything else we do.
Bad Art
We don't know a lot about art but we know what we hate.
Correction
A.K.A "Please withdraw your lawsuit."
Editorial
Opinions are like bellybuttons: a useless deforming scar.
Ephemedia
Nifty sounds and video guaranteed to crash your computer.
Feature Articles
Finally, some meat on this bone.
Food Of The Gods
Would that we could eat like them.
For Sale
Caveat Emptor. Seriously.
Hot Or Not?
Celebrities ridicule the insecure. Fun.
Illiterature
Because reading is fundemental.
Lost & Found
Uniting keepers and weepers.		Lost TV
Untold tales of the glowing glass teat.
News
Stop the presses.
Poetry
There once was a girl from Nantucket...
The Savage Breast
Music, not boobs.
Science!
What she blinded us with.
Seal Of Approval
Sites that don't suck so much.
Storytime Corner
Once upon a time... .
A Thousand Words
What a picture is worth, depending on exchange rates.
Watercooler
Intercepted communications amongst the staff.
Wish List
Or, as Black Flag said, "Gimme gimme gimme."

Insania Fragilis, Fectum Dubitabilis!

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 10:57 PM |

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Ephemedia: Lennon/Lemmon/Spacey/Reiser


We don't really have any snarky commentary for this one; we just think it's cool and wanna show off. Enjoy.









posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 11:46 PM |

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

For Sale: Refreshing Prayer Candles


Giant Food, Kemp Mill, MD (next to the Snow Bear™ Ice Pops and above the Jamaican Ginger™ soda and Inca Kola™). Three delicious flavors: Guardian Angel Apple™, Virgin Guadalupe Grape™, and St. Jude Thadeus Juniper™. $1.29 each, or $1.38 per pound.




Also in this series...

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 9:51 PM |

The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 4)


Hey laa, hey laa Jimmy Olsen's back, with more remembrances of things past, or as he likes to call it...

Hi again gang, it's your pal Jimmy here. This time around it's more college fun with the superheroes!

By this time, most of them were starting to form unofficial groups-- the most obvious was the way Pete Parker and his "marvels" kept to themselves more and more. They'd still show up to the parties, but you could tell they really didn't want much interaction with Mr. Kent and his crowd. Once Mr. Kent caught me talking to Steve Rogers (Captain America), and ended up holding me off the roof by my foot until I promised not to do it again. He was right, of course; in life it's important to be loyal.
Super beers for superheroes! Boy, I could never drink like Mr. Kent or Ms. Prince. I guess it was their powers that gave them such high tolerance to alcohol, because me, one "toasted almond" and I was sunk. But for all he drank, I never once saw Mr. Kent use the bathroom. I asked him once if people from Krypton ever peed, and he said, "What do you think flying is for, kid?" If you look closely behind Diana, you can see Barbara Gordon is kind of upset; right before I took this photo, Diana planted a big kiss right on Barbara's lips. She probably had too much to drink and thought Barbara was Mr. Wayne or something; their costumes were pretty similar.
There's Barbara, a little happier this time. Back then Mr. Wayne was pretty sensitive about his weight, so we tried not to mention it. Crimefighting would eventually help him lose the pounds, but he just didn't have the willpower to knock off the Krispy Kreme runs in the Batmobile after a nighttime patrol. And Dick Grayson was always the life of the party. He used to date a lot of "dancers" in those days.
It took Billy Batson a while to figure out his Captain Marvel personae. Since he never actually saw himself after he transformed into the Captain, he would wear his costume all the time, not realizing that would result in his superhero guise wearing street clothes. Mr. Kent wouldn't let anyone tell him for the longest time; we all had a good laugh. Barry Allen was a new face at the parties, and a nice enough guy, but was always doing that thing where he'd tap me on the shoulder then race to the other side of the room. It was annoying, but at least he'd stopped pantsing me.
Logan had taken to just growling at me, I don't think from this point on he ever said any actual words to me again. Though Mr. Kent had warned me to stay away from Steve Rogers, he was actually kind of a fun guy. Mr. Kent made uniforms a requirement for the superhero parties unless you were a guest, and the picture above shows what Stave came up with after Mr. Kent hid his Captain America suit. Boy, nothing fazed that guy. Steve was cool.
Those days, Thor never went anywhere without Po, his "sidekick" . I put that in quotes because Po never did any real crimefighting, but would manage wardrobe, schedule appearances, give massages, that sort of thing. It all seemed a bit fussy, but then again he was European. And finally there's Parker, the jerk. He'd just pull on his mask and not wear his suit, like he didn't even care about keeping his identity a secret. He said it helped the "ladies know who the man saving the day" was, but I knew the truth; he was just a lazy bum.

Next week, the superheroes head out into the real world. Until then, this has been Jimmy Olsen, your super pal!

Also in this series...

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 11:05 AM |

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Bad Art: Sheep With A Barn


Another Skree-tacular Skree-ation, brimming with all the subtle irony and humorous incongruence hitherto reserved for only the most precious of Family Circus love-bubbles.

Clearly responding to lingering racial tensions, Skree offers an acrylic balm entitled "Sheep With A Barn." Rising above the "There goes the neighborhood" thinking of the turbulent '60s, it speaks to the hopeful masses; the lone black lamb manages to proudly stand his ground among his numerous cracker brethren, while three judgmental clouds point their accusing tentacles at the blood-red house of "the man." Right on, brother.

Plus, the sheep are just so fwuffy an' kewt.

Also in this series...

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 9:14 PM |

Monday, August 01, 2005

Lost TV: Sanford & Son


It's never a good sign when the best thing about a television sitcom was its theme song.

Be that as it may, Sanford & Son ran for 136 episodes and inspired a spin-off or three. It also has the distinction of being one those ballsy shows that said "screw it" and continued production when it's main star wouldn't ink his renewal contract, explaining that the character of Fred Sanford was "visiting relatives" in the third season. The show must go on, indeed.

  • Below is a TV Guide synopsis of an unaired "very special episode" that until now has been locked away in an underground salt mine storage facility in Hutchinson, KS.

    September 14, 1973
    Sanford & Son (NBC): Fred "cries wolf" one too many times about the "big one" resulting in a stroke that goes unnoticed by Aunt Esther for three days. Meanwhile, Grady and Bubba are caught stealing from the junkyard cash box, resulting in a beating and special lesson is trust by Lamont and Rollo. Redd Foxx, Demond Wilson, Whitman Mayo. 30 min.

Also in this series...

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 4:30 PM |

Sunday, July 31, 2005

A Thousand Words: This Looks Like A Job For Letterman


"First impressions be damned," thought Kim, though from that point on he'd no longer trust his brother-in-law with quality control...


Also in this series...

posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 11:51 AM |