The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.
Lost TV: Match Game PM
Boy, they don't make 'em like "Match Game PM" anymore. From Gene Rayburn's skinny microphone, to celebrity panelists smoking on air, to thin double-entendre set-ups like "blanking a blank in her blank," this show was all about the sexy 1970s.
A short list of the powerhouse talent says it all: Richard Dawson, Brett Somers, Joey Bishop, McLean Stevenson, David Doyle, Fanny Flagg, Dick Smothers, Patty Duke, Eva Gabor, Debralee Scott, Gary Burghoff, Roz Kelly, Nipsey Russell, George Kennedy, Donna Pescow, Lee Meriwether, Mary Ann Mobley... good god, do we need to go on? And those are just the regulars! The daytime roster couldn't hold back the Match Game juggernaut-- this was prime time, boy-o.
And of course, there's Charles Nelson Reilly. Who else could parlay a decades-spanning television presence out of effing "Lidsville," for christ's sake... genius.
The J.E.I. broadcasting archive has yielded yet another outstanding contribution to popular culture. This video transcription from a late 1975 episode of "Match Game PM" shows just how laid-back and casual the evening show had become in its first season, even with its seething undercurrent of failed careers and fading looks... roll tape.
[Theme music]
Johnny Olson: "It's Match Game PM... and here's your host, Gene Rayburn!"[Audience applause]
Gene Rayburn: "Welcome to Match Game PM!"Charles Nelson Reilly: "Hi Gene." Richard Dawson: "Wha--? Hygiene?"
[Audience laughter]Gene Rayburn: "Ha ha, you're a million laughs, Richard. Gary, how's life at the 4077th?"
[Audience applause]Gary Burghoff: "Hi Gene! I brought a little toy for good luck..."
[Audience awww]Gene Rayburn: "Luck? You poor crippled bastard... you don't win any money here..."
[Audience laughter]Gene Rayburn: "But moving on-- Richard, how are those negotiations for your own game show going?" Richard Dawson: "None of your goddamned business, Gene."
[Audience laughter]Gene Rayburn: "Do you hear the way he talks to me?"
[Audience laughter]Gene Rayburn: "If either of you two speak to me that way, they'll never find your bodies, I swear to god."
[Audience oooh]Gene Rayburn: "Now let's play Match Game!"
[Audience applause][Theme music]
Panelists: "Yes, let's."
[Audience applause][Music stops]
Gene Rayburn: "Here's the first question... pay attention."Gene Rayburn: "Richard Dawson... is a big 'blank'."
[Music starts][Music continues]
Gene Rayburn: "C'mon, Dick-- what's your answer?"[Music continues]
Richard Dawson: (softly) "I swear to god, Gene, you keep riding me..."[Music continues]
Gene Rayburn: You got something to say to me, pussy?[Music continues]
Charles Nelson Reilly: (softly) "Why won't Gene ever pay attention to me?"[Music continues]
Charles Nelson Reilly: (softly) "I have so much plastic attached to my face..."[Music stops]
Gene Rayburn: "OK, Richard's a big fruit. No points won. Let's move on..."Gene Rayburn: "Hey Gary, show us your deformed hand!"
[Audience applause]Gary Burghoff: (softly) "I'm going to cry." Contestant 1: "I love watching stars humiliate each other..." Gene Rayburn: "Hey Brett-- how about making Gary a man?"
[Audience applause]Charles Nelson Reilly: "Hey Gene... look, I'm funny!"
[Applause stops]Richard Dawson: "You want me to humiliate myself? Is that what you vultures want?" Richard Dawson:"Fine-- ladies' underwear. I wear ladies' underwear. Are you happy? I'm a little Mary."
[Audience laughter][Laughter continues]
Richard Dawson: (softly) "Oh god, I hope that wasn't a mistake..."Contestant 2: "Ha ha... this is great!"
[Audience applause]
Also in this series...
posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 4:51 PM
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