The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.
Editorial: Action Goddamn Jackson
By now you've heard of the summer blockbuster-to-be Snakes on a Plane, starring Samuel L. Jackson, a film already tagged as the "feel-good hit of 2006" around the sprawling J.E.I. compound. But after having Sam's name engraved on the statuette, we started to worry. What if the film just doesn't find it's audience? Decisive action was needed.Like any good (or even passable) Sam Jackson flick, his no-nonsense angry-but-cool character has just got to have a kickass catchphrase. Oh sure, we can expect him to grab some weasely honkey by the collar and bark "There's goddamn snakes on the motherfucking plane!" or "There's motherfucking snakes on the goddamn plane!" or some combination thereof, but when Sam is about to dispatch the last of the goddamn plane's motherfucking snakes, he needs the line that will be on the lips of middle school boys well past Thanksgiving.
Since Wesley already has dibs on our personal favorite ("Always bet on black"), we've come up with a top ten list for the producers to consider...
10. "This is where I go Rikki-Tikki-Tavi on your ass."
9. "I'm about to commit some black on black snake violence."
8. "Coil your limb-less ass around this."
7. "You cold-blooded egg-laying motherfucker."
6. "Say "Hi" to Adam and goddamn Eve."
5. "King cobra, my ass."
4. "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, motherfucker."
3. "Goddamn motherfucking snakes."
2. "Motherfucking goddamn snakes."
1. "What can brown do for you, bitch?"
Don't you get it? They're snakes and they're on a plane!
Also in this series...
posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 7:44 PM
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