The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.
Editorial: American Idolatry: Judging The Top 24
This week on American Idol, Randy, Simon, and Paula narrowed the group down to their top twenty-four: twelve guys and twelve gals.
Here at The J.E.I., we're nothing if not risk-takers, so we've decided now is the time to start making predictions. And to help us out, we're proud to introduce the most judgmental gals we know: Judge Judith Sheindlin and Annie "Misery" Wilkes. Have at it ladies, and don't worry about leaving marks. This is Idol, after all...
 | Judy: "Listen, Fabio. A razor and a haircut. You'd better be a good singer and not try to just coast by on your looks." Annie: "His name is Fabio?" |
 | Judy: "I don't care what his name is. Or little miss princess here." Annie: "Then why did you call him Fabio?" |
 | Judy: "This one, oy. You can tell she's trouble because she thinks she's Miss November. Grow up, cupcake!" Annie: "All whores burn in Hell." |
 | Judy: "Close your mouth, tubby, maybe that way you'll stay in the contest." Annie: "Whores and tramps and harlots all burn in Hell." |
 | Judy: "Hah?" Annie: "All of them..." |
 | Judy: "What the hell are you going on about?" Annie: "The Bible says..." |
 | Judy: "Zip it! I don't want to hear your nonsense." Annie: "You're not being very nice." |
 | Judy: "Zip! Shut it up, lady!" Annie: ... |
 | Judy: "Are you going to let me get through this?" Annie: ... |
 | Judy:"Well? I'm waiting!" Annie: "If you wish." |
 | Judy: "Fine!" Annie: "Fine." |
 | Judy: "Now cueball here..." Annie: "YOU DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY YOU COCKADOODY WHORE!!!" |
 | Judy: ... Annie: ... |
 | Judy: "Are you out of your mind?" Annie: ... |
 | Judy: "Seriously. Do you have problems?" Annie: ... |
 | Judy: "I'm working with a mental patient here." Annie: "You said his name was Fabio and it wasn't." |
 | Judy: "What are you talking about? You're still stuck on Fabio?" Annie: "You said..." |
 | Judy: ""Enough! I don't want to hear another word from you" Annie: ... |
 | Judy: "Understand me?" Annie: But... |
 | Judy: "NOT ANOTHER WORD!!!" Annie: ... |
 | Judy: ... Annie: ... |
 | Judy: Moving on. This young lady might have a chance if she..." Annie: "I'LL KILL YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!" |
 | Judy: "OK, I'm done. Bye bye!" Annie: "KILL YOU!!!" |
 | Judy: "I'm finished!" Annie: AAAUUGHHHHH!!!" |
Did we mention that neither woman has had a chance to watch the show? Maybe we should have...
Also in this series...
posted by Editor, The J.E.I. | 11:10 PM
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