The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Editorial: Missing Commandments (part 5)

Now that the U.S. Supreme Court has given the OK to place replicas of The Ten Commandments on government property, you know what's coming next...

That's right, every weed-stink Rasta and tree-loving Druid is going to be filing federal suit to have whatever silly hood ornament that represents their religion placed right next to it. More power to ya, Chakka!

Here at the Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration, we say let's go whole hog (or whatever filthy animal you're allowed to eat).

Let's festoon every government building, national park, monument and military base with Zodiac charts, stars of David, Masonic compasses, Aaronic blessings, Vels of Murugan, Sigils of Lucifer, Mendes goats, Fleur de Lis, Cagliostro seals, seals of Saturn, Mjolnirs, Viking spirit ships, Swastikas, Celtic knots, Claddaghs, Triple crescents, double eagles, eyes of Ra, Orphic eggs, Shamash seals, Sufi hearts, Menorahs, Papal crosses, Scientology crosses, lions of Judah, Kokopellis, Shivas, Buddhas, yin yangs and Jesus fish until we're all full to our gills with the glory of God(s). Happy now, freaks?

Meanwhile, if you're gonna display the commandments, display all the commandments. Here's the next installment.

  • Thou shalt make eye contact when a customer is ordering.
  • Thou shalt not try to upsell at the drive-through.
  • Thou shalt not ask thine IT person for "any old computer" for thine interns, then complain about it.
  • Thou shalt not think "lunch with an executive" is an "award."
  • Thou shalt not layoff skilled employees in favor of unskilled consultants.
  • Thou shalt not retain unskilled employees to avoid confrontation.
  • Thou shalt not offer "Spanish or English" on any U.S. automated machine.
  • Thou shalt not employ people who cannot communicate with your customers unless they are never in a position to do so.
  • Thou shalt not "tease" important news stories.
  • Thou shalt not add any more made-up sports to the Olympics.
Also in this series...