The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration

The Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration promises a neverending spew of pointless minutae, brilliant yet useless ideas, troublingly cruel commentary and emphatic musings on whatever shiny object happens to catch our collective eye. Always remember, hate the game, not the playa.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Friday(ish) Round-Up: August 20, 2005

OK, so it's not technically Friday anymore. Big whup, you're still getting your goddamned Round-Up.

But don't let our pissy missive spoil your fun; there's some good solid comedy waiting, and all that is required from you is a mere click or scroll. New this week: a peek at the freaks that comprise the Fall 2005 JEI intern crop; offensive product marketing from one of the largest chicken-murdering corporations, a weepy tale of regret from a frozen-grinned play toy, and more Pocky. There's always more Pocky.

Jimmy missed his deadline this week, but rest assured, he's got another column in the pipe. Look for that by Monday, plus some more Ephemedia and we reveal the best sandwich you'll never eat. Plus some other crap. OK? OK.

As authentic as anything else we do.
Bad Art
We don't know a lot about art but we know what we hate.
A.K.A "Please withdraw your lawsuit."
Opinions are like bellybuttons: a useless deforming scar.
Nifty sounds and video guaranteed to crash your computer.
Feature Articles
Finally, some meat on this bone.
Food Of The Gods
Would that we could eat like them.
For Sale
Caveat Emptor. Seriously.
Hot Or Not?
Celebrities ridicule the insecure. Fun.
Because reading is fundemental.
Lost & Found
Uniting keepers and weepers.
Lost TV
Untold tales of the glowing glass teat.
Stop the presses.
There once was a girl from Nantucket...
The Savage Breast
Music, not boobs.
What she blinded us with.
Seal Of Approval
Sites that don't suck so much.
Storytime Corner
Once upon a time... .
A Thousand Words
What a picture is worth, depending on exchange rates.
Intercepted communications amongst the staff.
Wish List
Or, as Black Flag said, "Gimme gimme gimme."

Insania Fragilis, Fectum Dubitabilis!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Food Of The Gods: Pocky, Pretz & Pretenders II

Sure, there are worse jobs in the world. We don't pretend that sampling a tasty assortment of Japanese snacks is on par with say, scrubbing Port-O-Potties™ after the Preakness, but we still take the task seriously. Take a look at our Flickr gallery, "Pocky, Pretz & Pretenders" for the 200 variations of Pocky and Pocky-wannabes that comprise our own personal Sisyphusian boulder we'll be rolling up the hill for a good long while.

But the Food Of The Gods column is a beast demanding to be sated, so strap on the feed-bag, it's time for round two of the J.E.I. Pocky Taste Test...

Almond Crush Chocolate Pocky
(Chocolate and almond bits covered biscuit sticks) Like it's tropical cousin Coconut Chocolate Pocky, the nodule-laden fuselage of Almond Crush Chocolate Pocky requires an orderly placement in the package, which means fewer to go around-- and it's significantly more expensive. The almond bits do provide a nutty flavor, but not so much that it's drastically different from plain jane Chocolate Pocky. Let your taste buds be your guide; sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Strawberry Pocky (Plain)
(Strawberry cream-covered biscuit stick) Yawn... we tried these mini-pack Pocky sticks before Giant Strawberry Pocky (reviewed last time) and were so underwhelmed, we didn't even bother to include them in our first round. Not bad but just boring.
Strawberry Pocky (With Strawberry Bits)
(Strawberry cream and dried strawberry bits covered biscuit stick) Now hold the phone... we take back every snarky thing we said about Pocky's bumpy brotherhood. Take the dull as dishwater regular Strawberry Pocky, add bits of desiccated strawberry and bam! Instant winner. These sweet and fruity delicacies jumped immediately into our top five favorites.
Crispy Pizza Pretz
(Pizza-flavored cracker sticks) The Dean to Pocky's Jerry, the Abbott to Pocky's Costello, the Gallant to Pocky's Goofus, Pretz eschews the candy sweetness of its popular sibling for a more savory adult flavor spectrum. Crispy Pizza Pretz are flatter than Pocky sticks-- more linguini than spaghetti. Salty and a little greasy, and flavored with tomato, cheese, oregano and whatever the hell make pepperoni taste like pepperoni, Crispy Pizza Pretz are pretty darn good, and incredibly addictive. A great alternative when you want a snack instead of a dessert.
The hits keep on coming-- while we've had a few Pocky variations that caused us to shrug, we've had just as many that surprised us with their appeal. We've got a few more tests on deck, including Korea's Pocky-pretender, Pepero. We'll be back with those after a few days on the treadmill.

Also in this series...

For Sale: The Handsomest Ken Ever!

Island Antiques & Collectables, Chincoteague, VA. $18

To see him in his well-worn pink box, you immediately sense that "Crystal" Ken is anchored by a smooth resolve and confidence you don't usually find in second-hand store toys. But what he'll never let you see are the tears behind his piercing blue eyes and dazzlingly white smile.

It took Ken three years and thousands in therapy bills to finally accept his responsibility for the fling that brought his world crashing down. Sure, Skipper was partially to blame, but he should have known better. "I had it all and I blew it. She was Barbie's kid sister, for chrissakes," he confided to his friend GI Joe, "What the hell was I thinking?"

But he could never lie, not to her. Of course, when the ugly truth was ultimately revealed, Barbie kicked him out of the Dream House with nothing more than his original packaging and the tiny clothes on his back. And though Ken knew deep down he was getting what he deserved, he'd paid for that pink Corvette, and he'd be goddamned if she was going to take it from him. Looking back, he regrets his focus on material possessions.

Today, despite the messy divorce, he and Barbie are back on speaking terms. She says she forgives him, but he knows the hurt will always be there. She has her careers to keep her busy, and Ken knows the best thing he can do for her is to let her go and hope for his own brighter future through the haze of his plastic-windowed home.

The dust layer on Ken's tattered box grows thicker as the decades pass, but Ken always finds a way to keep his positive outlook. "At $18 I'm priced to move," he tells the other dolls on his shelf. They don't share his optimism, but how could they? For Ken has a unique spark deep inside that ignites his passion and resolve in a way that the others could never understand. He knows big things are out there somewhere just waiting for him-- how could they not be? After all, he is the handsomest Ken ever!

Also in this series...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

You Won't Believe What They Paid For This Ad...

Today's Journal of Ephemeral Inspiration is brought to you by KFU.

In 1939, Colonel Harland Sanders first gave the world a taste of his most famous creation, Original Recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken, featuring that secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. Since that time, millions of people the world over have come to love his one of a kind chicken, homestyle side dishes and hot and fresh beets.

KFU: It's The Finger Lickin' Good™

Also in this series...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

News: Fall 2005 J.E.I. Interns

My my, Tuesday already... sorry for the late start to the week, but orientation took a little longer than normal. Truth be told, our confidence could be much higher in our Fall crop of J.E.I. interns, but Zeus love 'em, they've each and every one of 'em pledged to help us bring to you the grade "A" funny you demand. So here they are, every last stinking one of them...

The bee beards? Dunno, they just all showed up at the compound that way. Biggest goddamned coincidence we've ever seen...

Also in this series...