Friday Round-Up: August 26, 2005

Another weekend is upon us and that can only mean one thing, stout readermonkeys-- another J.E.I. Friday Round-Up. Your opportunity to take a high-level view of the Journal in its blessed entirety.

Released back into the wild this week: part six of Jimmy Olsen's Secret Files, '80s movie poster misfires, another slap in the face to our favorite eBay artist, a whimsical collection of figurines from our favorite 16th century fire 'n' brimstone painting, a reasonable explanation from 700 Club skipper Pat Robertson, and another quartet of J.E.I.-approved sites, all cleared for your tender eyeballs.

As always, there's more to come (maybe even a little over the weekend). So come on back now, y'hear? Saaa-lute!

Advertising As authentic as anything else we do. You Won't Believe What They Paid For This Ad... (KFU) Pencil Portraits By Chris Hey! It's Another Snotty Ad Parody! (GM Employee Discount) We Feel So Cheap... (Me, Meat Loaf Body Splash Pour Homme) They Swear The Check Is In The Mail... (Surely Hemphill Parfum) We've Gotta Pay The Bills Somehow... (Lithgow Cologne) We'll Be Back After These Messages... (Orleans Horse Meat Dog Food) And Now A Word From Our Sponser... (The High Roller's Club of Monte Carlo) Bad Art We don't know a lot about art but we know what we hate. Bumble Bee & A Blue Flower Sheep With A Barn Jesus Out To Lunch Scary Tree Correction A.K.A "Please withdraw your lawsuit." We Don't Dwell On Your Mistakes. Editorial Opinions are like bellybuttons: a useless deforming scar. Missing Commandments (part 6) Missing Commandments (part 5) Missing Commandments (part 4) Missing Commandments (part 3) Missing Commandments (part 2) Missing Commandments (part 1) Truth In Advertising So Much For Buying Respect Food Horrible Food Ephemedia Nifty graphics, sounds and video guaranteed to crash your computer. First Draft Marketing II First Draft Marketing I Lennon/Lemmon/Spacey/Reiser Feature Articles Finally, some meat on this bone. The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 6) The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 5) The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 4) The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 3) The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 2) The Secret Files Of Jimmy Olsen (part 1) Food Of The Gods Would that we could eat like them. Pocky, Pretz & Pretenders II Pocky, Pretz & Pretenders I The Fool's Gold Loaf For Sale Caveat Emptor. Seriously. The Handsomest Ken Ever! Refreshing Prayer Candles A Message To Other Criminal Guitars Murdercedes Hot Or Not? Celebrities ridicule the insecure. Fun. James Brown... Well, We're Not Really Sure Let's Hear From James Brown Jerry Lewis Has Had Enough Jerry Lewis Keeps It Real Jerry Lewis Knows Illiterature Because reading is fundemental. Harry Potter & The Big Fat Payday Science Fictionology That Island Over There With The Trees Tom Wiffloo & The Lonesome Hangnail The Uncut Bible Lost & Found Uniting keepers and weepers. Extra-Krispy Kreme Strap On... Strap Off... Innappropriate [sic] Language

Lost TV Untold tales of the glowing glass teat. Sanford & Son The Dukes of Hazzard Match Game PM M*A*S*H The Munsters Hogan's Heroes The Andy Griffith Show Wild Kingdom News Stop the presses. Fall 2005 J.E.I. Interns Pat Robertson Surprised At Fuss, Sets Record Straight The Least Litigious Place On Earth Cartoon World Mourns Death Of Jabberjaw Olympics & Pans Mississippi No Longer Burning, Itching Persists Get Away From Her, You Bi-yotch! Alba's Nipple Fulfills Red Carpet Duties Runaway Bride Pleads No Contessa To Felony Sit Down, American Idol, We Need To Talk Vatican Fast-Tracks John Paul II Sainthood, Issues Commemorative Cookie Jar Tough Break, Chekov You Was Robbed, Dawg Your Next American Idol And A Habemus Papam To You! Poetry There once was a girl from Nantucket... The Wind & The Bird Remember, George, No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends... The Savage Breast Music, not boobs. Master It! Science! What she blinded us with. Seriously, What The Hell? There Is No God Seal Of Approval Sites that don't suck so much. The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval XII The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval XI The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval X The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval IX The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval VIII The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval VII The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval VI The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval V The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval IV The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval III The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval II The J.E.I. Seal Of Approval I Storytime Corner Once upon a time... . A Wee Nancy Story A Thousand Words What a picture is worth, depending on exchange rates. This Looks Like A Job For Letterman Tonytown Full Frontal Green Pepper Like Sacks Of Wet Cement The Love God Press Button, Receive Bacon Yes Sir Problem Solved Not Electric, It Is Pleasant We Couldn't Agree More Watercooler Intercepted communications amongst the staff. Pot Yuck Wish List Or, as Black Flag said, "Gimme gimme gimme." Hieronymus Bosch Pooping Devil-Bird Action Figure El Santo Vs. Las Mujeres Vampiro! The Real Batmobile Shag Disneyland Prints Batgirl Barbie Bible Bars Tie Fighter Desk Karatist Preacher

Insania Fragilis, Fectum Dubitabilis!